


Pain is the best/worst truth serum

by ganymedejam



Series: Touch-starved Idiots [5]
Category: The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Angst, Din Djarin Removes the Helmet, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, don't worry it's in the dark, found family trope, somewhat of a love confession, we love to see soft protective Din
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:53:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28086486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ganymedejam/pseuds/ganymedejam
Summary: Post-Chapter 14/Pre-Chapter 15. [see part 4 for context]The Dark Troopers steal Grogu. In the aftermath, both you and Din struggle with the tragedy of losing him and the raw emotions that are ripping you apart inside. And anguish is one heck of a way to spill your guts.
Relationships: Din Djarin & You, Din Djarin/Reader
Series: Touch-starved Idiots [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2037154
Comments: 27
Kudos: 167





	Pain is the best/worst truth serum

**Author's Note:**

> I was working on the part that's supposed to take place during Chapter 13: The Jedi but uuuhhh Chapter 15 happened and I was suddenly stricken with an overwhelming need to write an emotionally raw Din. So this is technically part 5 in the series but good god I needed to get this out. tbh I know that the whole thing with Din taking off his helmet in the dark as a loophole to the Creed is old and tired but it's the only way I could really make it work in the way I wanted things to.
> 
> And no, they don't kiss in this one either smh........ I hate myself lmao

You watched in horror as an Imperial light cruiser breaks Tython’s atmosphere. Moments later the ship fires one shot, reducing the Razor Crest to the crater. Four flying objects descend from the ship to hurdle directly towards the mountain. You instantly know what’s about to happen, and your heart is hammering in your chest as you scramble to your feet from the spot your were perched at to get to the top of the mountain where the Seeing Stone was.

Mando had already tried to get through the energy field when the stormtroopers first touched down earlier, but you had to try yourself. When you attempted to push your hand through the field, it pushed back harshly against you. Still, you forced it, digging your heels into the dirt and trying to grab at nothing.

“Wake up, _please!_ ” you pleaded. “Grogu, please! They’re coming for you. We have to _go_!” What felt like a gust of immensely strong wind knocked you back. You screwed your eyes shut and tried to concentrate; you weren’t a Force-sensitive but you hoped that somehow the Child could hear your thoughts if you called out loudly enough. In your head, you shouted. Screamed. Cried. Hands desperately clawing at the shimmering field swirling around the rock. You could have sworn that you felt your fingertips dig into something unseen--something very vaguely ripping under your touch but it wasn’t enough.

The energy field surrounding the Seeing Stone suddenly pulsed harshly and knocked you back so hard into a nearby pillar that you blacked out. You came to when Din found you and you heard the echo of his voice ringing dully in your ears as he called your name with your head resting in his lap. The inside of your cheek throbbed and you tasted the blood coating your teeth and you figured that you accidentally bit into it when you fell.

You kept blinking your eyes, looking up at him but you had a hard time focusing your vision and you saw three of him swirling around, with copies of two other people looming behind him. “Don’t move,” Din instructs you, his voice tinged with worry, “You hit your head pretty hard. It’s bleeding.”

“Whuh… what happened?” you asked, your voice hoarse. You winced when you felt a sharp pain on the back of your head when you tried to move it.

Din’s voice faltered, and you felt him shift around as he searched his belt for something. “T-they… they-they-they… took Grogu.”

You blinked at him, your brows knitting with worry. “ _What_?” He found what he was looking for: a vial of bacta spray that you had given him once for emergencies. Din nearly dropped it when he tried to thumb the cap off with his shaking hands. You heard him exhale shakily as he finally got the cap off and cupped the back of your head with one hand to slowly lift it up so he could apply the bacta.

He helped you sit up and you can hear the air wheezing in his chest when he started to pant anxiously. 

“Took him-- _haaah_ \---Gideon _knew_. He tracked us here.” Din doubled over, his fingers digging harshly into the beskar plating on his thighs. His body started to rock as he attempted to calm himself by swallowing gulps of air.

“No…” you said quietly. Your head was still swimming but you pushed through your own pain to swivel your body to face him. You circled your arms around him and Din instantly let his body sink heavily into you. Even through his armor, you can feel his chest heave with each breath that hissed through his helmet’s vocoder. You cradled the back of his helmet in your hands and pulled him closer; he seemed to melt into the touch as he pressed his head against your shoulder.

You were blinking back tears as you looked beyond him, into the empty blue of Tython’s sky. Boba Fett and Fennec Shand stood off to the side, both watching you with grave expressions. Your vision flooded with wetness the moment you let out a choked sob you were fighting to keep back.

\---

  
  


In the smoking pit of what was once the Razor Crest, Din only managed to find the beskar spear Ahsoka gave him on Corvus as well as the metal joystick ball that Grogu loved to steal from the ship. Boba Fett landed the Slave I and lowered the ramp so you and Din could board.

Boba showed you to the ship’s passenger hold, and made his way back to the cockpit to make arrangements to depart the planet. Din pressed the button on the panel next to the hold’s hatch to seal it shut. He propped the spear up against the wall then turned to you, his gaze lowered to look at the metal ball he has in his hands. He turns it over and over between his fingers and stares at it like he’s in a trance.

You approach him, covering his hands with yours, and you whisper his name.

“Din.”

His vocoder crackles with the sound of his shaky breaths.

  
  


“Din.” you say again, wrapping your fingers around his wrists and pulling him closer. He inhales sharply through his nose, ripping himself away from you to turn and smash one fist against the nearest wall. The metal on his vambrace sings harshly against the wall as he strikes a blow with his other hand, the metal ball still tight in his grip. You hear him grunt in anger and pain, and you wince every time you hear his fists connect with the wall. Din braces himself against the wall once he’s burned off the last of his strength, the beskar handguards on the backs of his hands making a deafening noise when he drags them across the wall. You watch as his shoulders rise and fall from his labored breathing--once, twice, three times, four times, and then he screams.

The Mandalorian yells as his frantic rage shreds him apart on the inside--a chorus of curse words and rapid ‘no’s filling the room. Your lower lip trembles as the terrible sadness inside you burrows deep because you are feeling every bit as angry as Din is right now and you have no place to put that anger. You want to kick and scream about it too, but you can’t bring yourself to do it because you have to steel yourself for the person who needs you the most right now.

“Din.” you call again as you approach him slowly and curl your fingers around his arm to pull him away from the wall. “Please.” You can’t mask the hurt in your voice, and he groans sadly when he hears the pain in it. He lets you pull him away, and he turns to reach out and fist the front of your jacket to yank you close to him and look you in the eyes through his visor. Din’s grip on you is strong, but he’s trembling and his voice breaks apart when he says, “S’all my fault… I couldn’t save him. I _failed_. Fuck… I---” He loudly gasps and tries to catch his breath--tries to steady himself because he’s on the verge of tears. His gloves creak as his fingers tighten, and you feel his knuckles pressing into your chest now. 

“I _promised_ that he would be safe. _PROMISED_. And I couldn’t even fuh-fucking do it.”

“Stop. Don’t.” you whisper to him as you reach up to circle your fingers around his wrists. You lean in closer, your forehead nearly brushing against his helmet as you gaze into his visor. “It’s _not_ your fault. You did all that you could.” A small pout escapes your lips as a little voice in your head whispers, ‘ _Did you? Couldn’t you have done more?’_

“But--” you start to say, letting that intrusive thought rend you in pieces, and then you start to cry. “I’m _sorry_ , Din! I’m so sorry. I couldn’t get to him.” You let yourself break. You sob hard, knocking your head against his helmet. "I got knocked out. I could've---could've _fought them_ _off_ if I wasn't." You struggle to speak as you suck in air between your words, and your tears fell like a heavy rain against his helmet. “Couldn’t do a s-single damn thing.. When he needed me, when _you_ needed me, I was _dead w-weight_!”

He stiffened suddenly and you heard him inhale sharply and make a pained noise that reverberated low in his throat. Din practically shoves himself away from you and turns to the door without saying a word. You think he's leaving you; you think that he believes the same thing--that you didn't do enough. An anguished whine escapes your lips and you don't have the strength to even try to cover it up.

The Mandalorian stops right at the door, his hand hovering over the control panel on the wall. “You really thought that… you should have fought off that squad of Dark Troopers?” You hug your arms around yourself and you suddenly feel so small standing there watching Din’s shoulders rise and fall from his heavy breathing. You open your mouth to say something, but only another whine squeaks out.

“They would have _torn_ you apart if you interfered.” His voice is so quiet and shaken with pain.

“I--”

“And you think I’d--I’d _blame_ you with those odds?” Din’s hand shifts, his thumb pressing a button on the control panel--but it’s _not_ the one to the _door_. A creaking noise emanates from behind you and you turn around to see the metal blast shields slide out to cover the rectangular window of the passenger hold. He presses another button and every single light in the hold is out; the only thing that glows are the various control panels and indicator lights scattered across the walls.

There’s a familiar hiss in the dark, and then some shuffling of Din’s feet and the scrape of metal on the floor. _He took his helmet off._

Your heart is thumping hard in your chest now and you panic. You can’t see a thing in the dark and you only know where he is and where the helmet is because of all the tiny lights reflecting off the beskar. “Din, what the hell are you--” you practically shout at him as you rush over in an attempt to make a grab for his helmet, but he catches you. Din’s fingers dig painfully into your shoulders as he reels you around to face him. You see nothing in the dark, just barely a silhouette illuminated by the ship’s peripherals, and yet your stomach is swirling with shame and regret.

“The Creed-- _The Way, Din!_ ” you whisper harshly at him, but he ignores your panicking. Din speaks, his gruff voice now crystal clear, “You think I’d let you… you’d think I’d be _okay_ with you getting hurt?” His voice breaks and he doesn’t have the strength to reign in his emotions anymore and he just lets out a sob. You feel his arms circle around you and he practically crushes your body against his, nearly lifting you off your feet. You instantly return the embrace and wrap your arms around his shoulders. And you cry too, gulping air between each pained whimper as the tears trickle down your cheeks again.

He shifts slowly, reluctant to pull his arms away from you, but he has to _touch_ you now. Din reaches for you and you feel the weight of his hands brush your collarbone, up to your shoulders. You can hear the blood pumping in your ears from being so anxious with worry, but you don’t stop him as you feel his gloved fingers walk their way up your neck until they find your jawline. The worn leather is rough against your skin and your nose is filled with the scent of soil and blaster residue as he slowly, slowly cups your face in his hands. He can’t see you at all but he pictures you so clearly in his mind’s eye that it doesn’t even matter, though he doesn’t know if it’s better or worse to _not_ be able to see the pain in your eyes to match the anguished sounds you’re making right now.

You swallow hard, feeling so overwhelmed by it all that you’re blushing like crazy because this is the first time he’s ever touched you like this. You whisper his name, “Din.” His heart _aches_ hearing it. He doesn’t reply and for a while all you can hear is his shuddering breaths for a long while.

The silence suddenly breaks as he leans in closer and you feel his slow breaths fanning against your cheek as he tells you, “Don’t--don’t ever think that I’d--that I’d l-let you just _die_.” He strokes his thumbs across your cheeks, ushering you to tilt your face up as if you were looking at him in the eyes. “Couldn’t--” He has to cut himself off as he chokes out a saddened whimper. “--couldn’t lose you too. Can’t. Won’t.” Your arms tighten around his neck as you push yourself closer into him and you’re openly sobbing now. Din ducks his head down to press his forehead to yours. You feel the wetness of his own tears smear across your face as he turns his head to nuzzle his cheek against yours. His stubble rubs roughly against your skin, and your heart skips a beat from being so close and you just want to completely melt right then.

“Won’t ever.. let that happen to you.” he whispers in your ear, and it breaks your heart hearing all of the pain and exhaustion that his voice carries. “N-not while I’m still standing. _Never._ ” You feel so, _so good_ and he's so much in need of being as close to you like this for as long as possible. Din slides his arms around you yet again, cradling you into his body as close as possible.

You shift in the embrace to glide your hand up the back of his neck to carefully card your fingers through his hair. It’s short and matted with sweat from the earlier battle but you honestly don’t care; you’re just happy that he’s letting you touch him like this. Your other hand traces the shell of his ear with your fingertips and then down his jawline, trying to memorize what you can through touch alone. Din sighs loudly, learning into your touch, and says your name over and over like a prayer as he turns his head. His nose brushes against yours as he presses his forehead to yours once again. “ _Do you understand me?_ ” he asks you, his voice quaking through another snivel. “Nothing will get in my way. They’d have to _kill_ me to keep me away from you both, I swear.”

  
  


Every inch of you feels like you’re burning up from the inside out and you are just _dying_ to kiss him right now. His mouth is so close to yours and all it would take would be a subtle tilt of your head to do it. You inhale sharply then exhale slowly to calm yourself; unseen, his mouth twitches from feeling your lips just very nearly brush against his. 

You don’t give in to the temptation and instead pull back just enough to give yourself room to let your hands explore his face. Your fingertips trail across his brows--strong, yet furrowed with worry. Carefully, you feel around his eyes; you feel his eyelashes flutter when you trace the shape of his eyes. You use your fingertips to gingerly wipe away the stray tears still welling from the corners of his eyes. Then, you feel the hard lines on his skin from age and life’s hardships; you hope that some of those lines around his mouth and eyes captured some kind of happiness at one point. The pronounced shape of his nose. The scruffy, patchy facial hair around his jaw. And then the mouth--drawn tight as your thumb traces the gentle curve of the Cupid’s bow on his upper lip. Din exhales slowly as you drag the pad of your thumb gently across his bottom lip and find it surprisingly plush, albeit chapped from lack of care. Your fingertips find the indent of a small, deep scar right below his lower lip that runs diagonal downward towards his chin.

Your senses aren’t nearly good enough to be able to paint a picture of what he could possibly like, but it doesn’t matter. The chance to be here like this with him is priceless. This one little bit of happiness burns within the maelstrom of sadness and despair swirling inside of you right now--this one little light in the dark.

You do your best to keep your voice steady, trying to be a quiet comfort in the dark. “Not long ago, we were strangers. We only really met because I busted my head on a crate in your ship.” Din sniffles and chuckles quietly, and you can feel him nod against your hands. 

“And now,” you tell him, brushing your thumbs across his cheekbones as you cradle his face in your hands. “I’m _here_ . Like _this_ . _With you._ ” Maker, you’re on fire and you wish you could just hold all of that emotion in your hands and show him what he is to you--how brightly he shines. All of the sudden, you’re weeping again but it’s some kind of gross mix between happiness and heartache. Din’s thoroughly confused by the sounds you’re making and you feel him squirm, and he catches your wrists with his hands to pull them away from his face.

“What--” He doesn’t get another word out before you interrupt him, and you twist your wrists out of his grasp so you can catch his hands in yours and hold them against your chest. “I would have never left Nevarro if you hadn’t needed a crewmate for the Crest!” You sniffle and pause to catch your breath. “And now--now look? I.. never thought things would be like this.”

“Like what?” his voice is insistent, wanting, as he leans close enough to brush his cheek against yours again.

Your voice falters, suddenly anxious as the words you want to say are caught in your throat. Your eyes are nearly watering again and you have to take a couple more breaths before you can push what you want to say out of your mouth. “Family. You’re my family now. You both are all I got. I never had anybody else, and _now I don’t know what I’d do without you._ ”

Din feels like he just got clocked right on the head; that’s not something he expected to hear. Not unwelcome, just entirely unexpected, and he’s suddenly sorry that there weren’t ever any opportunities to talk about it. But then you both were always too sheepish--and awkward, to be honest--to say anything so you danced around it; actions were much louder than words, after all. And then tragedy makes you both so terribly honest. Vulnerable. _Seen_. He’s so blindsided by it that all he can do is whimper out your name.

Now it’s your turn to pull him into a crushing hug. It takes him by surprise, causing him to wheeze out a breath. You hold him so tight like you’re afraid he’ll disappear the moment you let go, and he leans so heavily in your embrace as he slips his arms around you again. 

  
“I’d do anything for you both. _Anything_. I’d give you my life, Din.” you confess. There’s so much more to say. So much more that both of you are aching to say, but you and Din are content with putting whatever those things are in your back pockets to save for another day. For now, all that matters is that time stands still in this room, in each other’s arms, even if it’s just only a few more minutes.

**Author's Note:**

> For the love of GOD please tell me Din was in character enough for this! I'M NERVOUS.
> 
> Thank you all for reading these self-indulgent one shots! I really appreciate everyone who's left kudos and given me comments. They warm my heart soooo much!


End file.
